When I shifted from being our family's primary financial earner to the family's sole earner, I struggled to find resources and guidance to navigate this new terrain. Families in our community often included two working parents, or perhaps a stay-at-home or part-time working mom. Rarely, if ever, did we see aFriends and colleagues didn't often opt out of the workforce, so we didn't have many people to look to for advice.
I get frustrated when he or the kids interrupt me at work to involve me in"home matters" — like asking me questions about schedules or walking in while I'm on calls. My role as a provider is minimized in those scenarios, so I'm famous for saying,"If I don't work, we don't get paid." It's dramatic — and true. We share daily household chores by leaning into our strengths — I meal plan and grocery shop; he cooks. I do the laundry; he puts it away.
For instance, my husband says that sometimes he feels like he can't spend money on himself because he isn't earning money. Conversely, as the earner in the family, I sometimes need to remind myself to pause before spending money on myself and consider the impact on the family.money. He should feel free to buy whatever he wants or needs autonomously, and I expect the same. We made an agreement that we need to talk about any purchase over $500 in advance.
I also have to resist the urge to assume most moms don't understand my position. I find that I'm quick to verbally point out that I can't participate in something because"I'm working," or to feel resentful that most of my peers around me don't understand the pressure I'm under while I'm in the school car pickup lane, or what I have to sacrifice to be at a midday school event.
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